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Off Topic : Being a Single Dad

April 21, 2010

This isn’t about Advertising today, it’s more about something I have noticed. Recently I become a single father. I am not going to go into the details of how it happened, I am not going to say “who is to blame” ..

The details below are said in general terms, not about my situation.. but more to highlight the fact that as a culture single fathers are seriously given a rough treatment.

As noted earlier I recently became a single father of a 4 year old. It is what it is, but I never realized the level of social bias that is in our society that completely ignores single fathers.

In school, there are “mommy and me” days, but no “daddy and me days”, “Deadbeat Mom” as a percentage outnumber “deadbeat dad” something along the lines of 12:1 yet the popular term is “deadbeat dad” … even though technically it should be “deadbeat mom”.

There are no homeless shelters for “Men in Crisis” but there are tons for “Women in crisis”. Recently while discussing the topic, I was alarmed to find out that one single dad wasn’t allowed to bring his kid into a shelter in the area… he had to leave the kid there.. and sleep outside… whereas the shelter was filled with single mom’s and their kids. He pretty much is punished for being a single dad.

The vast majority of custody agreements are awarded to the mother, in many cases even though the father is the more responsible one to raise the child.

It’s more of a societal problem that really needs to be addressed. The issue is that more and more fathers are being awarded primary custody of their child. But there isn’t much assistance for that… because of course concrete sidewalks are awesome compared to a warm bed when trying to get your child and yourself in a shelter.

Another thing that is “almost funny” is that I was told that in general “single moms” don’t want to date a “single dads” When asked why this is the reply : “Because it completely removes the victim card”

Clearly it does… because let’s face it.. due to our cultural bias, if you are a single dad it means mom must have really screwed up… or in some situations dad could just provide better (IE: better school district).

Still the bias in the United States is strong, even though college graduation rates for children raised by their fathers is nearly double that of children being raised by their mothers.

I am not saying that “Mothers are bad parents” because there is a serious flaw in the below study … but the statistical evidence does state that Dad’s make better parents.

In 1995, Canadian Press published the results of a massive Statistics Canada study of 23,000 children across the country during an eight month period in 1994 and 1995. The central conclusion of the study was that children raised by single mothers face increased risks of emotional, behavioural, academic and social problems. Whereas if they were raised by a single father, the risk ratio was nearly identical to a family without divorce.

The flaw is simple however, 93% of custody awards go to the mother, and in general if they go to the dad is shows the dad must be far better suited for being a parent. Hence the problem with the study… single dad’s are generally cream of the crop…. most likely higher income, higher education, no criminal record and so fourth as compared to the mother in question.

It’s still completely crappy though that there is no father and me day at school for him.

Written by TheFounder · Filed Under Advertising Agency News 


Comments

  • Singleof3

    I find that odd, the school my children attend have days for the moms and days for the dads and it was that way at their previous school before I became a single mom. I was blown away by the victim card comment. I don't want to be a victim in fact I would rather do most of it all on my own all that I am able to at least. I think having single dads in my circle of friends would be great! They would get the single parent thing and the children stuff, along with hopefully being a positive male influence in the lives of my children.
    You are correct about the difficulty in finding shelters that have space available for men with children. We need to remedy that. I have a friend that is on the board of a woman's shelter, they have only 1 room for a man needing assistance.

  • TheFounder

    I wish a father and me day was open for my school, however only mom and me days exist (multiple in fact).

    I wish more single mom's were like you via that mentality of taking charge of your own future, sadly I honestly do believe you are in the minority on that..

    The shelter issue is just horribly sad overall. I was told “the shelter wouldn't get funding if it allowed men in as well”.

  • Singleof3

    I am not doing it all on my own at this moment but nothing would please me more. I have a single mom friend that holds her own also and isn't looking to anyone for help. It is just now getting easier for us to ask each other for help, lol. It is hard if you are not already established professionally or if you do not have a degree that you can put to work immediately. It gets interesting.

    I think you should suggest a daddy day to your school. Maybe it has been an oversight. I imagine there are other single fathers or still coupled fathers that would enjoy coming to a dad event at the school. Ours used to do Doughnuts with Dad as a breakfast early so fathers could attend and make it to work if they had to do so.

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  • http://twitter.com/tourpro Doug Yu

    Don't let the bastards grind you down.

    Times are changing, but some institutionalized things take longer to adjust.

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